i slept at 4am last night mann.
and i wasn't tired, at all !
even now im hyped out lah!
what the hell was wrong with me??
well, i was falling in love ♥
the new guy,
nice ; sweet ; funny ; friendly ;
having feelings for me?
aiyoyoks. what should i do?
but who knew,
we chat chat chat `
and slowly,
we had some chemistry going on..
i ironically fell for him, too.
but, something went wrong.
although i stil like him,
that 3rd person kinda ruined it.
i don't know, but im not angry of anyone ;
in fact, im in love with TWO guys?
Ohhh goshhhh `
but, how could i be such a jerk?
i am loyal.
i know i am.
therefore my decision...
i LOVE [ mr new guy in my life ], as my bestest guy fren ever!!!
i like him [ mr considered-old guy in my life ] cuz im loyal
and mr new guy is willing to sacrifise and help me..
conclusion :
♥ MR NEW GUY !! it doesn't matter that now i've made up my mind
i know, i stil like you, not only as my fren...
i don't regret liking you, at all !!!

UPDATED

X to the power of N ....no update my blog dy...
!!SRY!!
lately too tension dy,so long long time no update..

TENSION
TENSION
TENSION><
i cannot tahan dy...the pressure is so BIG!
S.O.S

Update on yours truly...

I don't know if anyone still reading this. But since the purpose of this blog is to replace my diary, I'm still gonna write when I feel there's a need for it. But if there's anyone out there who still read this blog, then I have to apologize.

Lately I've been feeling out of sorts. So I've taken to not writing when I'm emotional. If you noticed, I've taken down my last entry coz I believe it wasn't appropriate to be viewed by others. It's one thing to be upset at someone, but it's a low blow to air it out when I didn't even confront them face to face. That's my weakness. No matter how upset I am at someone, I hate confrontation. But I'm learning that no one is perfect. So either I do something about it or let it go.

Last few weeks was tough (emotionally) for me. Relationship questions was flung left and right. So I'm going to clear something up here. It was out of choice and some of them are not. I'm not the type to just have a casual fling and see where it leads. I'm the type who would date with only the thought of marriage. So I'll probably never going to date until I'm old. Yes, at times I'm gonna be very lonely. I do get jealous watching people have someone to rely on. But I'm not gonna fall victim on the trend where it's cool to have boyfriend. Yes, I'm very childish, 'manja' and clingy. But I'm only like that towards my friends. So don't misinterpret that. I'm not a lesbian, he's not my 'boyfriend' just because we hang out a lot. Btw, I have no problem being friends with guys, but I'm starting to get tired of people's misconception about the word 'friend'. I may take other people words lightly, but I'm very considerate towards my friends feelings. If being friends with me cause more harm than joy to them, I tend to step back.

Yes, I don't have a happy face all the time. I sucks at conversation with strangers. And I'm in no way 'friendly'. I have a lot of friends. I'm very clingy towards them but I do know my limits. And I'm not looking forward to change that. I don't want to have to fake myself just to make you happy. Coz I know you can never replace my friends. They were always there even when I'm at my worst...

Right now I'm going through some emotional turbulence. I've grown attach to that someone that I'm at lost now that it kinda not possible for us to be friends anymore. I'm upset that I never get to see him happy before I left. I wish he found who he was looking for. For unless he is happy with someone else, I can't help but wonder of 'what if'. Loosing a friend is never easy. But people move on so I'm hope I can too.

Things at home didn't go well either. When everybody else running to come home, I was looking for a way to run away from home. I guess I need my quiet and peace. I guess having been the only kid at home before shape me up to be like this. It takes a lot for me to tolerate with the kids. But I'm learning. Time will tell if I succeed...


p/s : Please watch over my farm. It would be great if you could fertilize it...